so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
