He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
