Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
