It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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