you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
