He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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