you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
