whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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