Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
