I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
