Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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