her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
