she peed on how many people?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
