Is it because I queefed?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
