Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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