he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
