she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
