Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
