I used to practice getting hit by cars.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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