And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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