escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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