a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
