it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
