Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
