he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
