hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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