I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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