alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
