Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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