I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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