When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
