Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize