you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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