So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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