Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
