I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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