my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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