im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
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Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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