For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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