Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.

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  (484): you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it. http://tfl.nu/od01
  Replies (3) Good night (1316) Bad night (696)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....

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  (504): Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache (225): You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice (504): Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time? (225): I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz.... http://tfl.nu/t0ng
  Replies (4) Good night (1566) Bad night (721)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (185) Good night (52795) Bad night (2724)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.

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  (202): He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like. http://tfl.nu/n0vb
  Replies (6) Good night (3160) Bad night (933)
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  (619): View more from California

  on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

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  (619): on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed. http://tfl.nu/fpfi
  Replies (6) Good night (3160) Bad night (1222)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.

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  (815): I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn. http://tfl.nu/iw95
  Replies (1) Good night (1625) Bad night (732)
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  (631): View more from New York

  In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.

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  (631): In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out. http://tfl.nu/wzbc
  Replies (4) Good night (3342) Bad night (647)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next

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  (612): They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next http://tfl.nu/mqm0
  Replies (1) Good night (514) Bad night (987)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That explains the stains on my shirt

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  (647): You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws (416): That explains the stains on my shirt http://tfl.nu/ptlu
  Replies (3) Good night (1459) Bad night (564)
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  (408): View more from California

  In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals

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  (408): In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals http://tfl.nu/45rk
  Replies (8) Good night (754) Bad night (465)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge

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  (425): I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge http://tfl.nu/ss4f
  Replies (5) Good night (1218) Bad night (424)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating

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  (563): I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating http://tfl.nu/zdvr
  Replies (2) Good night (652) Bad night (327)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me

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  (+61): Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me http://tfl.nu/fiyb
  Replies (4) Good night (638) Bad night (289)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.

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  (360): I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar. http://tfl.nu/n37f
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (266)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway

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  (708): I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway http://tfl.nu/ggq6
  Replies (1) Good night (804) Bad night (323)

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