Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just made out with a guy for $7.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(650): View more from California

Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss

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(314): View more from Missouri

Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.

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(720): View more from Colorado

It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila

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