On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dating After Heartbreak
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will be naked everywhere
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that