i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
