its not stalking. its research.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
