just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
