i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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