Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
