I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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