You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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