If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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