Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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