Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
