mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize