my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
