it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
