That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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