tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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