We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I believe in your delicious
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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