i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
