why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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