Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
