"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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