Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
