you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
