I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He passed out mid-signature
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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