So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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