this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
