I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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