Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
