i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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