dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
